... and the curtains fall.
Judging from every web log within my circle of friends -- DJ-ian or not, everyone seems to be blogging about the same thing. The last day of school. Leaving secondary school. Bye-bye friends we've had for almost our whole lives. Strangely enough, it hasn't fully sunk into me that I'm actually finishing the secondary bit of my education. I am yet to feel the leaving-school blues, or the nostalgia of having to part with long-time companions. I mean, it's not that I'm not going to miss my friends and all the intricate workings of SMK DJ.. but I feel that it's hardly a goodbye; we're still going to see each other in college, in university, while shopping in 1-Utama -- it's a really small world, if you think about it. So.. is it really goodbye? Or am I just in denial? Hah!
It's hard to believe, though, that only five years ago, I was a newbie in secondary school. Developing a massive crush on a classmate on the first day of school (hahhh!!), getting lost on the way back to class from the (shockingly smelly) toilets, believing that I'd have to get donations on that school jogathon card thing or my class teacher would minus 50 marks off my exam results.. ahh, those were the days! Second year.. was moved up a class (from 1 Kempas to 2 Jati), so pretty much had to make friends all over again (luckily Lee Ting and May Ling were always there for me! Big hugs to both of you! ;)).. but I think Form 2 was okay, I can't really remember much about it, though! Hahaha.. and ..
Form 3 was like a year-long waking nightmare. I think I really cracked then, because of PMR (Lower Secondary Govt Exam, not PMS). I believe it was at that point in time, where I was most insecure, most paranoid, and most vulnerable to the common backstabbing most 15-year-olds practise as a hobby. I know I lost a few friends that year, and that really stinks because people lose books, not friends -- people lose pencilcases, people lose money, people lose hair -- but people aren't supposed to lose friends! Well, that's what I thought at that time anyway. How was I supposed to know that everyone around me had once, or more often that that, lost a friend before? And sometimes they didn't even realise it? Nobody talked about that; people talked about their hair, people talked about whether waxing or shaving was better, people talked about which boys/girls were better-looking, people talked about everything under the sun -- but nobody ever said, "Hey, look, that's the friend I lost last year". I guess people aren't meant to talk about it, not meant to discuss it -- maybe it's taboo, like how men whose wives cheated on them don't go into sports bars and tell their friends "Guess what happened just now? I walked in on my wife and the postman!"; or maybe it's just too painful to discuss. Perhaps things are only taboo when they're too painful to discuss! Either way, 2003 was a year of loss and gain for me. Although I lost a few friends, I also made a lot more -- maybe the ones I made were better than the ones I lost. I made friends like Chu Jie, Chien Hui, Adrian Lim, Ning Jia, Pei Shan, Grace, Sook Yeen, Ee Mae, Hui Yee, Tai Ken, Ooi Jin, Sharanjeet, Anne, Craig & Daphne! Well, actually, I think 2003 was completely worth going through. It was, and I won't sugar-coat it this time, living hell. It was waking up every morning, thinking "Oh, I have to see them again today". It was going to sleep every night, indulging in humanity's greatest weakness -- self-pity.
But don't you see it now? It was my own mind tormenting me. It was immaturity, it was just silly ol' me looking for any dramatic distraction from thinking about PMR. Ah.. but see? I needed that in my life. One shocking, mortifying year -- and I came out of the other side of the cave, a whole new person. I won't say I changed entirely; that I stopped colliding into things and getting blueblacks all over my arms and legs, that I stopped talking and laughing loudly and frequently (although I didn't do much laughing in 2003, even all the teachers noticed it) -- but I definitely came out tougher, more secure about myself, more confident, much more thick-skinned and resolutely not caring about what people say behind my back. Because, you know, only people who are unhappy with themselves speak ill of others behind their backs anyway. Oh, come on, we all know what we're thinking of whenever we gossip about someone else: "Oh, that person's got a flaw.. oh, cool, I don't have that flaw.. come on, everyone, let's talk about that person's flaw". It's normal human behaviour. To step on to other people, in order to raise themselves higher.
I don't know if everyone noticed the change in me -- 2004 was a second chance for me, certainly, and I think that after all these years of schooling, these past two years have made it all worthwhile. Upper secondary school has been.. wow, I can't think of words to describe how grateful I am to have been given the opportunity to experience the apex of secondary school. The friends I've had in Form 4 & Form 5 are friends that I know I'm going to keep for the rest of my life. Denise, Wei June, Lydia, Laura, Sahira, Daphne, Izzati, Syahirah, Sofia, Sin Yee, Yi Ping, Mabel, Victor, Beng Keat, Ern Sheong, Joshua, Kin Ian, Zaid (not so close to him, but I think he has a very good sense of humour), Henry, Xin Kai, Mark, Chan Shen... wow, the list is endless, I should just scan my class name list here for good measure! To those I've somehow forgotten to mention, don't worry, I just can't remember everyone's names at the moment.. haha.. oh, and my friends from other classes.. Su Lynn, Wai Yee, Sue-Mae, Chia Wen, Kathryn, Alyaa, Christina (sorry if I've spelled your name wrong! ;)), Jamie, Joyce, Sook Yen, Carmen, Mei Chieng, Irena (ok I'm really really sorry if I got your name wrong again! But I keep getting confused ever since Tse Mun told me you were Russian.. hahaa), yah okay I'm too lazy to type any more now, because this paragraph is getting so big & nobody's going to bother to read this if it gets too big. But everyone -- you've been wonderful!!
And last but not least, of course, Tse Mun and Pei Lee, my best friends. I've known Tse Mun since I was nine, and she knows me better than even Denise knows me (and Denise is my best friend in class, and I see her & talk to her like every day so Denise knows me really really really well -- too well, might I add.. ;D) -- anyway, Tse Mun is just the best lah, our families know each other also because me & Tse Mun are so close. And Pei Lee, I've known her since I was eleven, and although she's the kinda quiet type so she doesn't say much, but we really cemented our friendship in primary school (Standard 5, Standard 6) -- all those times going for recess together, and running off to the garden-ish part of school, walking round and round the circular slabs of stone, just talking and talking.. and since then Pei Lee's been right there for me when ever I need her, and I'll always be there when ever she needs me (and even when she doesn't, ahaha).. so having Tse Mun & Pei Lee in my life has made it an infinity more meaningful, because they've taught me so much. And other people may not have noticed the newfound strength in myself after PMR, but Tse Mun sure has. And that means a lot to me. I love you both!! (And Denise too, but she'll probably just go "Love? Ewwww..." Right anot Deee??)
So -- there you have it. The greatest friends I've ever met so far.
Besides that, I've crossed paths with teachers who have made real impacts in my life -- Pn Christena, who was the one who pushed me into public-speaking, who bugged me into becoming a better risk-taker, to expose me to competitions of a higher level.. I know that she definitely played an important role in my life. Maybe only in one aspect; but in the long run, that one aspect of being able to speak in front of a class or a group of people, truly helps me in everything that I feel passionate about -- writing, speaking in public to send an important message across, presenting ideas, and making friends.
Miss Magdalen, who supported me in the second step of stepping stones -- which have led me to a whole different level in my life where I have decided upon speaking as the core of my career. Miss Magdalen was my coach for the MPPJ Public-Speaking Competition, which is frankly the only speaking-related inter-school competition I've ever joined since primary school. I know she didn't even learn my name properly, but she was the only one who ever really gave any constructive criticism to my speaking. And that matters a lot, because everyone was always "Wah, Sha-Lene, aiyah you sure no problem wan lah" and "What to criticise? I compare myself to you also I dowan to think about it liao lah".. so I never had a chance to improve myself. I think that if it weren't for Miss Mag, I wouldn't have won the competition (I didn't win it as champion, but I found my third-place award to be a really really happy & triumphant outcome). I was so happy, my eyes were shining with tears and I was celebrating more than the first two winners! Hahaha.
Other than Pn Christena and Miss Mag, I think there are two other teachers who have made impacts in my life. Mrs Foo, my English teacher in primary school, who pushed me into competitions and gave me undesirably low marks for my essays so that I would never even have the chance to get overconfident -- and Pn Tan Lee Yin, my current English teacher (Form 4, Form 5) who hugs me before competitions and says I'd better give her a free set when I publish my series of children's books. Hahhaha!
Okay, I have to go now, because I have school tomorrow; but I just want to add.. becoming a prefect and joining the editorial board have given me the most valuable experiences in my life.. and all this, all the ups and downs I've had, will arm me for the future...
Aiyoh, this post has gotten too long. I guess nobody's going to read past the first paragraph! HAHAHA..
It's hard to believe, though, that only five years ago, I was a newbie in secondary school. Developing a massive crush on a classmate on the first day of school (hahhh!!), getting lost on the way back to class from the (shockingly smelly) toilets, believing that I'd have to get donations on that school jogathon card thing or my class teacher would minus 50 marks off my exam results.. ahh, those were the days! Second year.. was moved up a class (from 1 Kempas to 2 Jati), so pretty much had to make friends all over again (luckily Lee Ting and May Ling were always there for me! Big hugs to both of you! ;)).. but I think Form 2 was okay, I can't really remember much about it, though! Hahaha.. and ..
Form 3 was like a year-long waking nightmare. I think I really cracked then, because of PMR (Lower Secondary Govt Exam, not PMS). I believe it was at that point in time, where I was most insecure, most paranoid, and most vulnerable to the common backstabbing most 15-year-olds practise as a hobby. I know I lost a few friends that year, and that really stinks because people lose books, not friends -- people lose pencilcases, people lose money, people lose hair -- but people aren't supposed to lose friends! Well, that's what I thought at that time anyway. How was I supposed to know that everyone around me had once, or more often that that, lost a friend before? And sometimes they didn't even realise it? Nobody talked about that; people talked about their hair, people talked about whether waxing or shaving was better, people talked about which boys/girls were better-looking, people talked about everything under the sun -- but nobody ever said, "Hey, look, that's the friend I lost last year". I guess people aren't meant to talk about it, not meant to discuss it -- maybe it's taboo, like how men whose wives cheated on them don't go into sports bars and tell their friends "Guess what happened just now? I walked in on my wife and the postman!"; or maybe it's just too painful to discuss. Perhaps things are only taboo when they're too painful to discuss! Either way, 2003 was a year of loss and gain for me. Although I lost a few friends, I also made a lot more -- maybe the ones I made were better than the ones I lost. I made friends like Chu Jie, Chien Hui, Adrian Lim, Ning Jia, Pei Shan, Grace, Sook Yeen, Ee Mae, Hui Yee, Tai Ken, Ooi Jin, Sharanjeet, Anne, Craig & Daphne! Well, actually, I think 2003 was completely worth going through. It was, and I won't sugar-coat it this time, living hell. It was waking up every morning, thinking "Oh, I have to see them again today". It was going to sleep every night, indulging in humanity's greatest weakness -- self-pity.
But don't you see it now? It was my own mind tormenting me. It was immaturity, it was just silly ol' me looking for any dramatic distraction from thinking about PMR. Ah.. but see? I needed that in my life. One shocking, mortifying year -- and I came out of the other side of the cave, a whole new person. I won't say I changed entirely; that I stopped colliding into things and getting blueblacks all over my arms and legs, that I stopped talking and laughing loudly and frequently (although I didn't do much laughing in 2003, even all the teachers noticed it) -- but I definitely came out tougher, more secure about myself, more confident, much more thick-skinned and resolutely not caring about what people say behind my back. Because, you know, only people who are unhappy with themselves speak ill of others behind their backs anyway. Oh, come on, we all know what we're thinking of whenever we gossip about someone else: "Oh, that person's got a flaw.. oh, cool, I don't have that flaw.. come on, everyone, let's talk about that person's flaw". It's normal human behaviour. To step on to other people, in order to raise themselves higher.
I don't know if everyone noticed the change in me -- 2004 was a second chance for me, certainly, and I think that after all these years of schooling, these past two years have made it all worthwhile. Upper secondary school has been.. wow, I can't think of words to describe how grateful I am to have been given the opportunity to experience the apex of secondary school. The friends I've had in Form 4 & Form 5 are friends that I know I'm going to keep for the rest of my life. Denise, Wei June, Lydia, Laura, Sahira, Daphne, Izzati, Syahirah, Sofia, Sin Yee, Yi Ping, Mabel, Victor, Beng Keat, Ern Sheong, Joshua, Kin Ian, Zaid (not so close to him, but I think he has a very good sense of humour), Henry, Xin Kai, Mark, Chan Shen... wow, the list is endless, I should just scan my class name list here for good measure! To those I've somehow forgotten to mention, don't worry, I just can't remember everyone's names at the moment.. haha.. oh, and my friends from other classes.. Su Lynn, Wai Yee, Sue-Mae, Chia Wen, Kathryn, Alyaa, Christina (sorry if I've spelled your name wrong! ;)), Jamie, Joyce, Sook Yen, Carmen, Mei Chieng, Irena (ok I'm really really sorry if I got your name wrong again! But I keep getting confused ever since Tse Mun told me you were Russian.. hahaa), yah okay I'm too lazy to type any more now, because this paragraph is getting so big & nobody's going to bother to read this if it gets too big. But everyone -- you've been wonderful!!
And last but not least, of course, Tse Mun and Pei Lee, my best friends. I've known Tse Mun since I was nine, and she knows me better than even Denise knows me (and Denise is my best friend in class, and I see her & talk to her like every day so Denise knows me really really really well -- too well, might I add.. ;D) -- anyway, Tse Mun is just the best lah, our families know each other also because me & Tse Mun are so close. And Pei Lee, I've known her since I was eleven, and although she's the kinda quiet type so she doesn't say much, but we really cemented our friendship in primary school (Standard 5, Standard 6) -- all those times going for recess together, and running off to the garden-ish part of school, walking round and round the circular slabs of stone, just talking and talking.. and since then Pei Lee's been right there for me when ever I need her, and I'll always be there when ever she needs me (and even when she doesn't, ahaha).. so having Tse Mun & Pei Lee in my life has made it an infinity more meaningful, because they've taught me so much. And other people may not have noticed the newfound strength in myself after PMR, but Tse Mun sure has. And that means a lot to me. I love you both!! (And Denise too, but she'll probably just go "Love? Ewwww..." Right anot Deee??)
So -- there you have it. The greatest friends I've ever met so far.
Besides that, I've crossed paths with teachers who have made real impacts in my life -- Pn Christena, who was the one who pushed me into public-speaking, who bugged me into becoming a better risk-taker, to expose me to competitions of a higher level.. I know that she definitely played an important role in my life. Maybe only in one aspect; but in the long run, that one aspect of being able to speak in front of a class or a group of people, truly helps me in everything that I feel passionate about -- writing, speaking in public to send an important message across, presenting ideas, and making friends.
Miss Magdalen, who supported me in the second step of stepping stones -- which have led me to a whole different level in my life where I have decided upon speaking as the core of my career. Miss Magdalen was my coach for the MPPJ Public-Speaking Competition, which is frankly the only speaking-related inter-school competition I've ever joined since primary school. I know she didn't even learn my name properly, but she was the only one who ever really gave any constructive criticism to my speaking. And that matters a lot, because everyone was always "Wah, Sha-Lene, aiyah you sure no problem wan lah" and "What to criticise? I compare myself to you also I dowan to think about it liao lah".. so I never had a chance to improve myself. I think that if it weren't for Miss Mag, I wouldn't have won the competition (I didn't win it as champion, but I found my third-place award to be a really really happy & triumphant outcome). I was so happy, my eyes were shining with tears and I was celebrating more than the first two winners! Hahaha.
Other than Pn Christena and Miss Mag, I think there are two other teachers who have made impacts in my life. Mrs Foo, my English teacher in primary school, who pushed me into competitions and gave me undesirably low marks for my essays so that I would never even have the chance to get overconfident -- and Pn Tan Lee Yin, my current English teacher (Form 4, Form 5) who hugs me before competitions and says I'd better give her a free set when I publish my series of children's books. Hahhaha!
Okay, I have to go now, because I have school tomorrow; but I just want to add.. becoming a prefect and joining the editorial board have given me the most valuable experiences in my life.. and all this, all the ups and downs I've had, will arm me for the future...
Aiyoh, this post has gotten too long. I guess nobody's going to read past the first paragraph! HAHAHA..
posted by Sha-Lene @ 11:49 PM
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